Dadjokes.com, home of over 130 dad jokes
Classic dad jokes
From publicdomainpictures.net
How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it
Where do you learn to make a banana split? Sundae school
What do you call a hot dog on wheels? Fast food
What has more letters than the alphabet? The post office
Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut
Where do boats go when they're sick? To the boat doc
What did one hat say to the other? Stay here! I'm going on ahead
Why can't a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot
Why didn't the skeleton climb the mountain? It didn't have the guts
What's brown and sticky? A stick
Food jokes
From Pxhere.com
A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here
What's a robot's favorite snack? Computer chips
I once had a dream I was floating in an ocean of orange soda. It was more of a fanta sea
Whenever I try to eat healthy, a chocolate bar looks at me and Snickers
What does a lemon say when it answers the phone? Yellow
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta
What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? Traffic jam
Do you wanna box for your leftovers? No, but I'll wrestle you for them
I once got fired from a canned juice company. Apparently I couldn't concentrate
Why don't eggs tell jokes? They'd crack each other up
Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I'm not going to spread it
I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it
Why did Billy get fired from the banana factory? He kept throwing away the bent ones
What kind of car does an egg drive? A yolkswagen
How does a taco say grace? Lettuce pray
When two vegans get in an argument, is it still called a beef?
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll let you know
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheeseWhat does a sprinter eat before a race? Nothing, they fast
What does garlic do when it gets hot? It takes its cloves off
I could tell a joke about pizza, but it's a little cheesy
What did the coffee report to the police? A mugging
Holiday Jokes
From Pixabay.com
What do you call a poor Santa Claus? Saint Nickel-less
What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum? A meltdown
How much does it cost Santa to park his sleigh? Nothing, it's on the house
Animal jokes
From Wikimedia commons
How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut
Have you ever tried to catch a fog? I tried yesterday but I mist
What did the fish say when he hit the wall? Dam
What's the best smelling insect? A deodor-ant
Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire
You think swimming with sharks is expensive? Swimming with sharks cost me an arm and a leg
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant
What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account? Prime mates
What does a bee use to brush its hair? A honeycomb
What do you call a pony with a sore throat? A little hoarse
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles
Human body jokes
From Wikipedia
Shout out to my fingers. I can count on all of them
Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head
I used to hate facial hair but then it grew on me
What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows
You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine
It takes guts to be an organ donor
Random
Where do boats go when they're sick? To the boat doc
I don't trust those trees. They seem kind of shady
My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right
I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired
Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me
This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in
How do you make 7 even? Take away the s
What's the best thing about Switzerland? I don't know, but the flag is a big plus
I got carded at a liquor store, and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out. The cashier said never mind
What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y
What concert costs just 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback
Why did the math book look so sad? Because of all of its problems
My dad told me a joke about boxing. I guess I missed the punch line
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers
How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together
How did Harry Potter get down the hill? Walking. JK! Rowling
I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now
A guy walks into a bar and he was disqualified from the limbo contest
That car looks nice but the muffler seems exhausted
If a child refuses to nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
What country's capital is growing the fastest? Ireland. Every day it's Dublin
Did you know corduroy pillows are in style? They're making headlines
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It's okay, he woke up
I used to play piano by ear. Now I use my hands
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field
I made a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down
Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke? He won the 'no-bell' prize
I've got a great joke about construction, but I'm still working on it
I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner—it was just gathering dust
I had a neck brace fitted years ago and I've never looked back since
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom? Because the 'P' is silent
I like telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs
I used to be a personal trainer. Then I gave my too weak notice
If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
If you see a crime at an Apple Store, does that make you an iWitness?
I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed
I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you guys didn't like it
What do you call a belt made of watches? A waist of time
Where do math teachers go on vacation? Times Square
Mountains aren't just funny. They're hill areas
What do clouds wear? Thunderwear
Why are piggy banks so wise? They're filled with common cents
Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands
How do you get a good price on a sled? You have toboggan
How can you tell if a tree is a dogwood tree? By its bark
It's inappropriate to make a 'dad joke' if you're not a dad. It's a faux pa
Where do young trees go to learn? Elementree school
Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in tents
Can February March? No, but April May
How do lawyers say goodbye? We'll be suing ya
Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mind—it's tearable
What's the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament? Live stream
Spring is here! I got so excited I wet my plants
Don't trust atoms. They make up everything
When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent
I wouldn't buy anything with velcro. It's a total rip-off
I don't play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I'm just doing it for kicks
Why are elevator jokes so classic and good? They work on many levels
Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb
Which state has the most streets? Rhode Island
What did the fish say when he hit the wall? Dam
Is this pool safe for diving? It deep ends
Credit from the jokes goes to https://www.countryliving.com/life/a27452412/best-dad-jokes/ Thanks for visiting the website.
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